IT'S BACK!!

That's right - the Philip Chandler news channel is back. And it's bigger and BETTER than ever before!! We've got funky font colours, italic text and some even cooler special tricks to unleash. And best of all....LASHINGS OF PHILTH!! How can we bear the excitement?? I'll tell you - we can't! Aaagh!

I digress.

In recent news, our beloved Philthy Phil, king of the audibly-snorting financiers, spent nary a happy hour with us in the, oh-so-delightful, country of the fabled Attaturk. Yup - Turkey! They let him in!! Boats were sailed and a tip top fantastic time was had by all concerned. Hearty portions of Kofti, Lokum and Efes all round! Sadly there was not time to visit the many splendid ruins of Turkey, such as Troy, Ephesus or Cyprus. But next time maybe.

Well I hope you're at least partially full, as that's yer lot!

Signing off, as ever, your omniscient "phil eye-in-the-sky".

Over and out.
You're not supposed to be reeding this. Fool. This is why there are speling erors.

Phil. We luv im.

Oh dear reader, thou hast returned expecting to get your weekly (or perhaps more aptly, monthly) slice from the pie of Phils life. Happily, we can report that this time the slice of Phil Pie is extra Philling! Thanks to our many spies and confidentes!

Onto the juicy gossip. Not only did Phil converge on London Bridge in November with his phriends for a swift necking of alcoholic beverages of the finest variety, but he also attended the Christmas party of a different phriend in December! PHANTASTIC!

Editors note - I am sure many people will be pleased to see that Phil has manged to maintain an active social life while holding down a stellar career at the same time. Not many people can say that!

BARBADOS!!

This month, Philip Chandler is mostly in Barbados with Timmy. TIMMY! TIMMY!!!

Actually that's not true; he was there for a couple of weeks last month. But as the news is so sparse this Organ thinks it is better to make this news sound more exciting. Otherwise we are worried about losing our readership. And without readers, this Organ would be nothing.

One other piece of news; despite receiving multiple invitations on bonfire night Phil preferred the cosy comfort of home.

_____________________________

This week's Philthy Word is: 'moist'.

This week's news is...

...There is no news.

Sorry.

We can only assume Phil has been diligently drinking his favourite flavoured milk drinks and getting an early night. We promise to try harder!

Pointless Phil Phact: When Phil didn't blow his nose for a week in 1997, Kleenex shares fell 8%! But this was only a temporary respite in the honking and within 6 months Kleenex's price had DOUBLED.

Confirmed sighting!!

Phil was spotted near Slough today!!!

That's right pholks, our phavourite Phil is a confirmed sighting. Our source tells us that he was there on a train with some of his snooty university pals - but we're sure he was pleasant and friendly as always!

Phun Phil Phact of the day (get your brain-science hats on): Phil has a force of 800 Newtons!!

Well, that sure sounds like a lot of Newtons - but we can reveal that's actually within the normal range!

Timmy!

Newsflash: Phil is thinking of going on holiday with his pet (Timmy) to the Caribbean! We should describe Timmy. Timmy is an omnivorous mammal, the height of a grown man. Timmy is a winged animal, which in its formative stage migrates to the chilly north on a weekly basis. Phil's Timmy is now fully formed. Its greeting call sounds like a screeched 'halloya'!

Stay tuned for the next Phil Phlash!

Blogarama

Rumour mill

Well folks, we hear a rumour that Philip is, or has recently been, on holiday. The Phil Phact of the week is that he's there with his phamily.

The sooner he gets back to the UK the better!

Welcome! Let us start commenting on Mr C

Hello guys and gals! Well, this is it - the long awaited Philip Chandler comment board! This page will be updated regularly with all your Phavourite Phil Phacts (and Philth!).

Fun facts about Phil:

• Phil blows his nose twice a day
• Phil went to Lincoln College, Oxford University
• Phil has a younger brother
• Phil holds the world record for the loudest nose blowing recorded at an amazing 135db - the same as standing next to a 747 takıng off!!
• Phil takes a long time in the shower - what is he doing in there?
• If you laid Phil end to end, he would be be 3 metres long
• Phil lives in London, England
• Phil is 25
• If Phil was as big as the sun, he would be bigger than Big Ears
• Phil works as a wannabe financier
• Phil's maximum velocity is 16 knots
• Phil orbits the sun every 365 days
• Phil's parents are very proud of Phil and love him dearly
• Phil has a viscosity of 3.6 parsecs